An Ending For Now

As sad as the news is, it needs to be said. Cassi lost the baby. We don't know why. In fact, the baby as the right size and everything - 11 weeks and 1 day.  So some time in the last 24 hours the baby's heartbeat stopped. The best guess is that there was a chromosome issue and the baby wouldn't have survived outside the womb if delivered at term. They aren't going to do anything as far as testing. But we are waiting for the nurse to call us with a date for the surgery to remove the baby. I haven't cried myself yet because I have wanted to be strong for Cassi. And really, if anyone has a right to cry is Cassi. I can wait til I'm alone. 

I wish there was a way to change this. To make things better. I wish that somehow the baby would miraculously be alive again. But on the more positive side, Cassi can be a kid for a little longer now. Still . . . at what a cost . . .  

Watching the ultrasound today, I noticed that the baby wasn't moving. And I was looking for the heartbeat and didn't see it. Then my mind flashed to an episode of  "19 Kids and Counting" where the mom had the same thing happen though she was farther along. Somehow I just knew as I watched. Not that it still didn't break my heart. Poor Cassi started balling immediately, which is normal, when the doctor said he didn't see  heartbeat. I just was there for her as much as I could be and will continue to do so.

I am very thankful to Jessica - her friend and Youth Leader at church. Sh rearranged her schedule so she could come to Cassi and take her out for awhile. 

I think distraction will help for awhile, but we'll see for how long. Either way, I need to call WIC and a few more places and tell them about this.

But this isn't a complete end to "Grandma Krystina's Adventures." It will be a delay and when the time is actually right, I will be a grandma and Cassi will be old enough to have a baby. Or Jordan will make me a Grandma first! But I am more concerned about Cassi and that's where my heart is right now.

New Ultrasounds and Ups and Downs

Well, Cassi got home from her Winter Bible Camp and she had a great time, but boy was she sore from all the hiking. Over the weekend I got to just chill out for the most part. Monday I managed to get several letters done that I had put off for a few weeks. I was happy about that, but Cassi has had too emotional breakdowns this week. A lot of it is pressure about the future. But I just try to comfort her, but if that doesn't work I just let her cry it out and then we talk about it. 

Tuesday she FINALLY had her first OB appointment. This time the insurance was ready and so she got weighed. She lost another 2-3 pounds. But I think the nausea is going down so hopefully she'll stop losing weight. Not that I want her to gain a lot of weight during the pregnancy, but losing weight isn't good! But I think she's feeling better and maybe eating a little more than she was. Let's hope!

Anyway, at the OB appointment they did an ultrasound and now the Due Date has been changed to September 24th. It's so cool! In the ultrasound you can see the little hands and feet!

I can't help feeling joy at the life that's just beginning! But I hate how it's stressing Cassi out but she won't even consider adoption and I'm going to help her as much as I can! I think it will turn out okay. I have faith that God wouldn't have her get pregnant just to lose the baby. Plus she loves Aaron/Erin with all her heart already. I think things will turn better for her when she feels her little one move inside her. There is no feeling like it!

Yesterday we had a meeting at the school to see about placing her in a school program for pregnant teens. Unfortunately the woman was busy and simply forgot, but we did wait an hour for her. However tomorrow she is supposed to be therefor sure so that's the new meeting date. That evening we had dinner with Jason and Susan. Jason made a joke about Cassi an though she didn't get really bent out of share when we were there it was just one more thing on her plate and she lost it for awhile on the way home and at home. She was so sure that her life was over. That she would never be a kid again - that's kind of true, but it's not like she'll never had fun again so I let her cry it out because nothing I said was going to help. We all get to those times where all we can see is the darkness. Anyway, Jordan gave her a hug and then he got her to smile and laugh. 

Today when she got up she told me that her life wasn't over. That adults had fun too, just not as often, so she was ready to grow up. There will probably be a few more flip flops before all is said and done, but I'm glad she can see that at the moment.

So now, we eat our chili and cornbread for dinner, relax and go to sleep for tomorrow to start!