An Ending For Now

As sad as the news is, it needs to be said. Cassi lost the baby. We don't know why. In fact, the baby as the right size and everything - 11 weeks and 1 day.  So some time in the last 24 hours the baby's heartbeat stopped. The best guess is that there was a chromosome issue and the baby wouldn't have survived outside the womb if delivered at term. They aren't going to do anything as far as testing. But we are waiting for the nurse to call us with a date for the surgery to remove the baby. I haven't cried myself yet because I have wanted to be strong for Cassi. And really, if anyone has a right to cry is Cassi. I can wait til I'm alone. 

I wish there was a way to change this. To make things better. I wish that somehow the baby would miraculously be alive again. But on the more positive side, Cassi can be a kid for a little longer now. Still . . . at what a cost . . .  

Watching the ultrasound today, I noticed that the baby wasn't moving. And I was looking for the heartbeat and didn't see it. Then my mind flashed to an episode of  "19 Kids and Counting" where the mom had the same thing happen though she was farther along. Somehow I just knew as I watched. Not that it still didn't break my heart. Poor Cassi started balling immediately, which is normal, when the doctor said he didn't see  heartbeat. I just was there for her as much as I could be and will continue to do so.

I am very thankful to Jessica - her friend and Youth Leader at church. Sh rearranged her schedule so she could come to Cassi and take her out for awhile. 

I think distraction will help for awhile, but we'll see for how long. Either way, I need to call WIC and a few more places and tell them about this.

But this isn't a complete end to "Grandma Krystina's Adventures." It will be a delay and when the time is actually right, I will be a grandma and Cassi will be old enough to have a baby. Or Jordan will make me a Grandma first! But I am more concerned about Cassi and that's where my heart is right now.